Imagine you’ve spent months talking to someone, investing your time and emotions for this person, but at some point down the line things take an unexpected turn that left you speechless; “I want you but I don’t want a relationship with you.” What does it mean? Am I trying to open a closed door that is not meant to be opened by me? What is it that makes you not want to be in a relationship with me, while claiming you enjoy my company and I am the person you are looking for? All these questions are torturing our mind, especially when the follow-up explanation leaves us empty and brings us back to the beginning. What do we need to think? What needs to be done? How to react?
Being in a situation like this can be tricky and challenging, however, emotions need to be left aside and allow the logic to overrule. Nevertheless, you need to ask yourself, what is it that caught your attention and made you continue talking to this person? Why do you want them in your life? After figuring out the answers to these questions, comes the time of comparing.
We all have some expectations that we want our other half to meet, and if you don’t, it is important that you have your expectations figured out, as they would guide you into realising what you deserve and how someone is supposed to treat you. By comparing your expectations to the behaviour of your partner, if they meet or not these expectations, do you think your partner is offering you what you deserve? If the received treatment and behaviour is less than the expected and deserved one, you know the answer to what is needed to be done…
If the situation is the complete opposite, he treats you with the right amount of respect and brings happiness into you, then you need to think of the long-term prospects of the relationship. If your partner is not emotionally invested into your “relationship” from the beginning, chances are, not many things would change in the future. Your partner said it after all! It is frustrating to say the least, when you realise the person you had hopes for a joined future, does not share the same vision. Nevertheless, the person was sent your way for a reason, life is testing you, learn from this situation, respect yourself and understand when is the right moment to let go of someone.
People do not easily change their minds. Therefore, do not try to change their mind by showing off your worth. Be more selective towards the people you choose to dedicate your time, affection, trust, and feelings; not everyone is worth being given this gift.
The situation needs to be dealt with common sense and you need to put your self-respect and wants above your partner’s. If your wants are different from your partners’, it is expected that you can not continue together, isn’t it? The fact is, the feelings and the effort you have placed on your partner, is probably not reciprocated. No matter what stage your relationship is at until this point, if you do not share the same view as your potential partner, it is not gonna end up well or how you wish to end.
Prior to making any rushed decisions, you need to be sure of what is it that you are looking for at this particular point in time and what are your priorities. Are you looking for being next to someone who is on the same page with you, wants a commitment and is not afraid of developing feelings, and checks all your “boxes”? Or you want to stay with someone who “doesn’t want a relationship”? Because by staying and continuing to pursue your partner, you will live in constant uncertainty about the future of this relationship, while the feelings will be growing only stronger. If your wants are the complete opposite of your partner’s ones, by making the conscious decision to stay, you are signing yourself up to end up with a wounded heart.
The reason why someone does not want a relationship can vary, and each situation is vastly different. Deciding to end things before it would be your partner’s choice is the only good way things can end. If I will ever be in a similar position, my reply would be “thanks for the warning, the message has been received”, and the “relationship” would end for me on that note.